Month: June 2014

Songs for Spanking : Thank You for the Spanking

It it is a well known fact that the Swedes love a nice brisk bitching as part of their sauna ritual. It is therefore a short step to assume that Agnetha and Anni-Frid would have enjoyed a bottom warming from Benny and Bjorn. And not that much more of a stretch to assume their classic “Thank you for the music” was originally based on the girls’ heartfelt thanks to the masterful ministrations of the Baltic boys.

So here, for the first time ever, the original lyrics to the timeless classic.


“Thank You For The Spanking”

I’m feeling horny, you need to make my bum sore

When I start to cry, you’ll want to spank me some more

For I have a longing, a wonderful thing

And everyone hears when it starts to sting

I’m so slutty and proud

And I know I will bellow out loud


So I say

Thank you for the spanking, the heat I’m feeling

Thanks for all the smacks you’re giving

I can’t live without it, I say in all honesty

What would life be?

Without a whack or a spank what are we?

So I say thank you for the spanking

For giving it to me


Daddy says I was a spankee and I needed to cry

He says I wanted a spank but I didn’t know why

And I’ve often wondered, how did it all start?

Who found out that nothing can capture a heart

Like a good thrashing can?

Well, whoever it was, I’m a fan


So I say

Thank you for the spanking, the heat I’m feeling

Thanks for all the smacks you’re giving

I can’t live without it, I say in all honesty

What would life be?

Without a whack or a spank what are we?

So I say thank you for the spanking

For giving it to me


I’ve been so lucky, I am the girl with glowing cheeks

I wanna get a smack from everybody

What a joy, to be spanked, by a hand!


So I say

Thank you for the spanking, the heat I’m feeling

Thanks for all the smacks you’re giving

I can’t live without it, I say in all honesty

What would life be?

Without a whack or a spank what are we?

So I say thank you for the spanking

For giving it to me


Some spanking limericks

I once knew a girl from Peru

imageWho knew what she wanted to do

She made me bend double

And said ‘you’re in trouble’

And then spanked my bum black and blue


There was a young man from Japan

Who asked to be spanked with a fan

The girls who accepted

Were always rejected

Coz he wanted to be spanked by a man


I knew a fine girl who fellated

And readily she copulated

But what she liked most

Was being tied to a post

To be spanked, while anally dilated


If I said I had a longing for pain

Would you spank me with your rattan cane?

Then could we fuck?

My cock – would you suck?

I would be eternally grateful – again!

Songs for Spanking – Sitting on the end of the bed

Otis seems like the kind of guy who would have appreciated taking a fine lady across his lap for a long, sensual spanking session. I’m sure he would have appreciated this rewrite of his classic, “Sitting on the Dock of the Bay”.

Sittin’ in my favourite corner

Got you layin’ down like I want ya

I’ll stroke your ass lovingly

And then I’ll spank you ‘til you feel the heat, yeah


I’m sittin’ on the foot of the bed

Spankin’ your ass ‘til it’s red

Ooo, I’m just sittin’ on the foot of the bed

Spankin’ time


I left my paddle in Georgia

I’m gonna use my belt today

‘Cause I got nothing else to spank you

And I know your bum’s just beggin to play


So I’m just gonna sit on the foot of the bed

Spank your ass ‘til it’s red

Ooo, I’m just sittin’ on the foot of the bed

Sexy time


 Looks like your ass is paying me

For all those time’s you gave me lip

I’m gonna whup your ass ‘til morning

And I guess you’ll wanna repay, somehow


 Sittin’ here getting a boner

As I stroke your bottom over my knee

It’s too early for this erection

Still gotta strike my message home


 And now, I’m layin’ cross the foot of the bed

I spanked your ass ‘til it’s red

Ooo, I’m just layin’ cross the foot of the bed

Suckin’ time

Another response to the Daily Post prompt.

Songs for Spanking – Fat Bottomed Girl

The Daily Post ran a prompt suggesting a rewrite of a popular song. Not sure if this is quite what they had in mind, but I’m hoping my regulars appreciate the lyrics. You will never listen to this song the same way again.

“Fat Bottomed Girl”


Oh, I’m gonna spank you good tonight

Oh, make your bottom glow just right

Oh I’m gonna give it to you good

Fat bottomed girl we’ll have a good old spanking night


Hey, I was such a naughty lad

Always trying to be bad

I got spanked before I left element-ary

Got the strap from Miss Delaney

Bared my bum, smacked my heinie

Thank you Ma’am, you made a spankee out of me


Hey, hey!


I’ve loved spanking for many years

Across my knee, so many rears

I’ve left many red-assed beauties on the way

But their lack of spunky fire

Left me limp after a while

Let me spank a feisty lady every time


C’mon! Oh, can’t I take you home tonight?

Oh, take down your pants, set you alight

Oh, you can take all that I’ve got

Fat bottomed girl we’ll have a good old spanking night

Fat bottomed girl we’ll have a good old spanking night


Hey, listen here.


Now I got a cane, tawse and a belt

And a stiffie needing to be felt

Ain’t no spanking fun in this locality (I tell you)

Oh, but I still need to get my pleasure

Still lust your greatest treasure

Hey big woman you wanna play some kinky games


(now get this) Oh (I know), I’m gonna take you home tonight (please)

Oh, take down your pants, set you alight

Oh, you can take all that I’ve got

Fat bottomed girl we’ll have a good old spanking night

Fat bottomed girl we’ll have a good old spanking night


Get on your knees and beg!


(With humble apologies to the Rock Gods of Queen)


The Daily Post ran a prompt suggesting a rewrite of a popular song. Not sure if this is quite what htey had in mind, but I’m hoping my regulars appreciate the lyrics. You will never listen to this song the same way again.

Chef School – roasted rumps

“Annie! Annie! Get over here!” The call came from Chef Michael and was not the sort of command to be ignored. Annie sheepishly peered round the door of the walk-in freezer.

“ W –what can I do for you, Chef?” she stammered.

“Get your skinny little arse over her right now.” Annie hung her head and walked across the kitchen floor. As she approached Chef she saw he was holding a plated meal in his right hand.

“You do know the difference between a medium steak and a rare steak, don’t you?” snapped the Chef, as he picked the meat off the plate and waved it in her face. “Rare makes for a tender bite. Medium is tough and unyielding. You do know who just sent back this steak? Only the food critic for the Daily Grind.”

Annie could not help flipping back a smart reply. “If we had steak that was well tenderized and good quality, it wouldn’t be tough no matter how we cooked it.”

Chef Michael exploded at this comment. He grabbed Annie and pulled her firmly to him. “I’ll show you what well tenderized looks like, and I’ll show you what a rare steak should look like if you cooked it properly. In fact, I think I’ll show everyone.”

Chef stuck his fingers in his mouth and emitted a shrill whistle. The kitchen staff all looked up. “Everyone, over here. I’ve got a special lesson to teach you all with Annie as my star pupil.”

With everyone gathered, and Annie held firmly by her upper arm, Chef announced his plans to the team.

“It seems Annie does not understand about handling quality meat, so I’m about to show her how a tenderized steak should feel. I am also going to show her how a rare steak should look. You all get to benefit from her lesson.” With that, Chef spun Annie around and swiftly bent her over the stainless steel countertop. He then reached around and undid the drawstring waist of Annie’s whites. He yanked her pants to the ground. Annie’s pert bottom was presented to the ogling kitchen staff.

“First things first, remove all packaging” instructed Chef. He reached forward and yanked down Annie’s white cotton knickers, leaving her bare and fully exposed to her kitchen colleagues. “Now, we need to test the quality of the meat.” With that, Chef grabbed her buttocks and squeezed the firm flesh until Annie squealed. He then pulled her buttocks apart revealing her secret brown hole. Her neat pussy was also clearly on show to the group of male and female students. Chef squeezed and mauled Annie’s cheeks, fingers deep into her buttock cleft. Several times he brushed her pussy lips, causing her to groan in despair of her predicament.

“Okay, so we clearly have some tough meat here that would benefit from a little tenderizing.” Chef Michael pulled back his hand and delivered a sharp smack to Annie’s firm right cheek. Annie yelped and tried to pull away but Chef held her firm with a hand in the small of her back. He looked with satisfaction at the red hand print he had left on the white buttock flesh. He moved to the other side and delivered another hard smack to her left cheek, leaving her with a perfect pair of palm prints on her posterior.

“Now, who can tell me what colour a medium steak should be?”

Melissa’s hand shot up. She was always first to answer any question, “Pink in the centre, Chef.”

“Very good, Melissa. Please step up here.”

Melissa stepped sheepishly forward and stood looking down at Annie’s bum. Chef spoke to her again. “Now Melissa, as you’re so knowledgeable, why don’t you show us all what a properly cooked medium steak should look like?” The girl looked confused. Chef Michael put his face an inch from Melissa’s. His voice was a whisper. “If you would rather I used your arse to show everyone what a medium steak looks like, carry on,” he snarled. “Otherwise, show me what a medium steak looks like, using the piece of meat I’ve tenderized for you.”

Melissa looked helplessly from Chef Michael to Annie’s naked cheeks. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t really want to spank her friend, but equally she didn’t want to put herself in the same predicament. Half heartedly, she slapped her friend’s bare cheek. Chef Michael was not having any further insubordination. “If you can’t follow instructions, someone else can. With you as the model,” Chef flipped Melissa down alongside her friend, and quickly exposed her rump, displaying two perfect pairs of buttocks to the admiring but nervous group of young chefs.

“One medium steak, coming up.” Chef rained down a rapid fire series of slaps to Melissa’s right cheek, leaving the left unmarked. In no time, her bum shone pinkly on the right. “There, that is what a medium steak looks like.” Chef looked at the group. “Sarah, would you please show me a medium steak using Annie as your model?”

Sarah stepped forward with a gleam in her eye. She was a bigger girl, and she had been envious of the pretty pair in front of her now. They were always flirting with Chef and the men in the team. She stepped forward and gave Annie a half dozen hard smacks, covering her right cheek with blotchy finger marks.

“No, no, you need to be firm AND gentle. Like this.” Chef repeated his lesson on Annie’s left cheek, leaving her with a smoothly pink cheek alongside the blotched and red right cheek. Annie sniveled and squeezed her bum cheeks in an attempt to diffuse the sting.

‘Now, try again on Melissa, and make sure you get it right this time, or we will have another practice subject to work on, and your butt will need a fair amount of tenderizing, I can tell.” Chef whacked Sarah through her whites. She stepped forward with some trepidation, and delivered a dozen or more firm smacks to Melissa’s left cheek, covering the whole surface of buttock from thigh to the top of her arse crease. She stepped back and admired her handiwork. Melissa’s left cheek shone pinkly and matched the right perfectly. Melissa and Annie now displayed four red cheeks to the group.

“Excellent work!” Chef placed his hands on Annie’s buttocks and held the cheeks apart, showing her wrinkled brown hole and pussy to the group. Her labia now hung slightly open, the excitement evident in the glistening folds. “See how a little tenderizing gives us such a nice juicy centre?” Chef held Annie’s cheeks firmly, pulling her up on her toes and exposing her sweet pussy to the group. Annie felt herself growing more excited and moaned in embarrassment and frustration.

Chef dipped a finger and dragged it along Annie’s slit to wet it. He then forced his moistened finger into Annie’s bottom hole. She shrieked at the invasion. Chef laughed and continued his probing. “This meat is definitely ready for some rub-in seasoning.” Chef released Annie and moved over to Melissa.  “I’ll just let Annie’s steaks rest for now and we will prepare this other steak as a nice rare piece of sirloin.”

Chef grasped Melissa firmly round her waist and delivered a cascade of slaps across the entire surface of her bouncing buttocks. Each smack was delivered with precision, so that he covered her entire naked rear evenly and raising the pink hue to a deeper shade of red. Melissa squealed and squirmed with the pain and shame.

“Medium Rare,” called Chef above Melissa’s cries. “See how we’ve got that deeper red at the centre? Now on to a rare steak throughout.” Chef continued to rain down smack after searing smack. Melissa’s bum felt as if she had sat on the skillet directly.

Continued HERE


Cutting the Mustard

My boss is kinda evil, she likes to whip my bum,

She likes to take my pants down, and beat me like a drum.


I screwed up really badly, I know I did, it’s true,

So I’ll bend and take it stoically as she spanks me black and blue.


She knows I try my hardest. I really, really do,

But when she starts demanding, I haven’t got a clue.


Last week, when I messed up, by ordering too much,

She spanked me with a ruler, and called me such a klutz!


And then I told her secretary I liked her glossy hair,

Boss told me I was sexist, and pulled down my underwear.


In front of all the ladies, my willy was on show,

Their gazes were enticing, and he began to grow.


The ladies laughed and pointed, they made me go all red.

Boss said, “Just keep it up girls, and I’ll spank all you instead.”

Then in the  open office, she caned me good and tight,

My bum was fairly glowing. It made for quite a sight.


One day I took a notebook. She said, “It’s wrong to steal,”

As she spanked me with her court shoe, and then she copped a feel.


She squeezed and tugged my willy. She made him stand up tall.

And then she laughed, and smacked my balls, so I was hard and sore.


Today though was a grave mistake. My worst offence to date,

I tried to tell her what I’d done, but alas it was too late.


She sent me out to get her lunch, a sandwich made with rye.

“No mustard though!” was her last word, “I like my sandwich dry.”


I  went and got her what she sought, rye bread with no mustard.

But the Subway girl was such a flirt, she got me quite flustered.


I bought a bun of whole wheat bread, with Coleman’s extra strong,

And when Boss took her first big bite, I knew I’d got it wrong.


Her face went red, her hair stood up. She looked quite dragonly,

I quaked, and shook, and then I spoke. A squeak – not manfully.


“I’m sorry Miss. Is something wrong?” My voice rose a full whole measure,

She stood erect, at five foot two, and bellowed her displeasure.


“Young man I’ve had it, that’s quite enough. Your bum will feel my leather.”

“Outside I think will be quite nice. We’re having such lovely weather.”


And so out here, I’m all on show, my cock and balls are swaying,

My arse is high, my legs spread wide, my hands together, praying.


I’m hoping no-one passes by, and sees me on display,

Or stops to ask directions, and pass the time of day.


They’ll see me get my just desserts, a paddling for sure,

Miss Boss might say I’ve had enough, or choose to give me more.


You may wonder why I stay, and work in this regime?

Well wouldn’t you, if every day fulfilled a spanking dream?


She makes me sting, she makes me dance, she plays a merry tune,

She leaves my bum quite glowing and my dick swelled like a balloon.


With willy stiff and bum so hot, I will head off to the loo,

And there I’ll wank off gleefully, erupting my white goo.


Vaginal Bats


Eliza Jane was worried. Her pussy kept eating men.

It happened when she was fucking, and not just now and then.

Her lovers would get busy, drilling her with delight,

And then they started screaming, when her pussy took a bite.

Her doctor examined her deeply, his diagnosis made her sick.

“You have vaginal bats, my dear. They feed upon fresh prick.”

“The treatment’s long and painful, but we must follow a regime,

It sounds most harsh and cruel, but we need to be extreme.”

“Do what you must my doctor, I fear I cannot wait.

My sexual urge is growing, I need to copulate.”

“We start with a solid spanking. The vibrations disturb their rest.

And then I fuck you anally, to push them from your nest.”

“Oh doctor, that sounds awful. Do you know what you are doing?

A doctor, giving spankings, and then a dirt road screwing!”

“The case you have is nasty, the treatment is severe.

I’ll cleanse your pussy properly, but you’ll suffer a sore rear.”

“Now bend and take my paddle, my belt and then my crop.

When your bum is red and glowing, I’ll know it’s time to stop.”

“And then I’ll spread your buttocks, expose your tradesman’s way.

I’ll lubricate, then fuck you. Just once, I think, today.”

“Your bats will not leave easily, they like it in your nest.

So the treatment is repeated. Twice a week, I find is best.”

“Your bum will hurt, your anus stretch, but what a small price to pay.

For when we’re done with treatment, you can copulate all day.”


Images sourced at