Driven to distraction

So apparently sex and driving don’t mix in Russia. I don’t mean ACTUAL sex. I’m sure we all know, or at least, can imagine how tricky it can be to concentrate on driving when attempting to give or receive sexual favours at the wheel. Oral sex is a particular favourite and a somewhat risky manoeuvre on post-winter potholed streets. Makes texting whilst driving positively pedestrian.

No – Russia is imposing a driving ban on transgender and transsexual people, fetishists, exhibitionists and voyeurs. All are considered “mental disorders” now barring people from driving, according to BBC News website. This is, apparently all in a bid to reduce road accidents.

Exhibitionism I get. Seeing a pair of naked buttocks pressed to the side window of a passing car whilst the owner bends to blow her partner could lead to a loss of control. I get that. Catching site of some back seat doggy with a pair of swinging boobs on display is likely to cause one’s eyes to stray from the road ahead for more than a moment (especially if voyeurism is your thing, so there’s two down).

Now, I can see that actual sex acts, whether ‘fetish’ or not, should be avoided when the car is in motion. It can be quite distracting to all concerned, especially if done right. And I can see situations where participants in ‘the lifestyle’ might be well advised to avoid driving. That leather head mask might be a bit restrictive for shoulder checking, I can see that. And if you’ve just come from a session with a favourite Domme, your ability to sit comfortably at the wheel is, I would hope, severely compromised due to the latticework of welts decorating your nether regions. Same goes for figging, or a butt plug. Must be damned tricky to sit comfortably with a bottle stopper shoved up your arse, or a stinging root.

Maybe the perception is that fetishists have such a wildly exciting sex life that their mind is constantly dreaming up the next scenario, so that in the throes of a well-imagined scene they end up rear-ending a meaty Russian (possibly thereby killing two birds with the proverbial stone, or whip maybe). Or maybe it has to do with the Russian predilection for spanking – if any of the stronger websites are any indication, there is a particularly sadistic streak in the pysche, or the recent story of the Russian doctor curing addictions through caning.

If the Russian bureaucracy were to introduce corporal punishment in a bid to reduce traffic accidents, they would not want to be encouraging poor driving as a result. Can you imagine the result!

“Sorry officer, I saw you there so I put my foot down harder. I heard I can get 10 strokes for every kilometre over the limit.”

“Oops. I seem to have smacked you up the rear. Oh well, eye for an eye I suppose!”

“That was  a No Entry street? Well if I’m to learn my lesson, you should show me what it feels like to have someone go up my No Entry then!”

I can see how this might all fall apart very swiftly. But on the other hand, maybe this is exactly the time to consider a job in law enforcement. Just imagine pulling over this car full of young beauties and sniffing a little booze in the air. Some swift discipline in the backseat and four hot bottoms later, all is good, except for the night-stick now extending painfully down my pants leg.

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